questions to light the way

There have been several really significant moments of clarity in my journey thus far that have indelibly changed the scope and character of my story. I love the image that my friend Brian uses to describe these moments: he calls them clearings.

Sometimes in my life, its been like I was walking alone through a fog, or along a densely wooded path. The path had started innocently enough, but at some point I'd look up and realize I'd lost sight of the markers and was in uncharted territory. And in those times, right when I get to the point of seriously considering turning back for something safer, or just giving up altogether, God has opened my eyes to see something much larger than just the little path that I thought I was walking on.

further up and further in

It's like all of a sudden the whole world opens up, and fog rolls back, and you can see the entire landscape of what God is doing. He simultaneously shows you why He was leading you through all this wilderness along the way, and to where He is leading you in the future.

Recently, these clearings have come because of some fantastic books that I've read. One huge shift for me came when I had just finished my first summer of being as interim youth minister at our church and I picked up Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I was at a crossroads in ministry because after a summer filled with pool parties, rafting trips and mission trips, it was time to get serious. I was going into the school year with a 10 step plan, and sermon outlines, and simplyyouthminstry.com intro videos, and I was going to change the world by teaching these kids what it meant to be a real Christian. That book helped me see that unless I was willing to live life as an ordinary radical, anything I taught would be seriously stripped of its meaning. It showed me how much I thought I knew, but how little I actually loved people that weren't just like me.

I had only agreed to be the interim youth minister while our church searched for another (which would have been the kids 4th youth pastor in 3 years). In fact, K8 and I were still praying through going onto the mission field. So in response, I wanted to do something BIG. Move to Pakistan, sell all of our stuff, move in with some homeless people, use our dirty sink water to flush our toilets...

But as I meditated on what my big response would be I heard God say, "Would you be willing to do something small... for me? Would you be willing to stay here and teach these students how to live like Jesus in the everyday mundane stuff of life; and not just teach them, but show them how with your life?"

And in that clearing, I saw that I wouldn't only be doing that for my youth group kids, I would be doing it for my own kids that I would have one day.

That started a chain of events that would lead me down another difficult path, and eventually to another clearing. I constantly felt the pressure from many people around me to do BIG things, host big events, look for a bigger church, demand a bigger salary, make a big name for yourself, but I keep hearing God whisper, "Are you willing to be small for me?"

I'd now been doing youth ministry for 3 years, and had a 1 year old son, and daughter on the way. And I knew that I was going to have to decide soon whether I was going to make youth ministry a career or a choose a different path.

I ended up going down to the Exponential Church Planting Conference down in Orlando, FL with my pastor. I'm still not sure why I went, because I really had no desire whatsoever to do church planting, and I'm pretty sure my wife really didn't want me to go at all. But I went nonetheless, and sadly everything there was BIG.

I heard some amazing speakers (Shane Claiborne, Francis Chan, Matt Chandler) who were hugely inspiring, but as I talked to most of the church planters there I became pretty disillusioned. As I walked around the sponsor tables, it seemed like there were 50 different booths marketing things like "Church-in-a-box!", Portable Church, INSTA Church, Church Marketing Gurus, AWEsome Church, Lazer Church, Jesus Wore A Lapel Mic... okay I'm making up stuff at this point.

And I guess there's really nothing wrong with those groups, but what left me disquieted was this underlying notion that if you raised a bunch of money, did a bunch of marketing, and got the appropriate sound equipment/performing troupe, then you had CHURCH! And that if you could just "get people to the show" then somehow you would also end up fulfilling the great commission to go into all the world and make disciples. It felt like the formula was, if you create church, then disciples will just naturally happen.

Which was shocking, because it seemed exactly backwards to me. It seemed to me like everything that Jesus said and lived was: if you make disciples, then church will naturally happen. Jesus didn't spend his time looking at real-estate for a building, or doing market research, or even planning sermons (at least I don't think he did, I have no proof of this). From the gospels, we do know that he spent all most all of his time with 12 guys; developing, equipping, empowering, training, debriefing and just hanging out with them. So to see and hear all this methodology that seemed to completely fly in the face of that was very hard. I felt like I was nuts.

And what was even worse, it felt like The Church was being drug through the mud as well. I felt like I had tasted what the body of Christ could be like at times, at our campus ministry, with my family, even sitting around the dinner table with amazing friends just reveling in the life and joy that we have in Christ. But no matter where it is, its always full of grace, full of the Spirit of Jesus, full of love and friendship. And it sickened me to think that THAT could in anyway, be bought, or mass produced, or systematized. It would be like trying to a family, or systematize the magic of a first-kiss.

Like I mentioned, this was an ongoing hardship that I had with ministry in general, and the current obsession with BIG-ness, so it felt like I was coming to another crossroads, and I had to choose between discipleship or community, and I hated the idea of giving up either.

But sometime during that trip, I heard the Lord gently say to me, "My way is to build disciples IN community. My way of growing people up hasn't changed, and rather than a factory it looks a lot like a family, but one where I AM the Father."

And on the last day, during the last breakout session, I sat in on a session with a random Asian pastor that I'd never heard of before and he really caught me off guard. I loved his humility and I loved his commitment to this thing he called third-culture. Which is the mindset to love, learn and serve in any culture, even in the midst of pain and discomfort. He also stressed that we were to do this as a unique diverse and radical body, not just as individuals. He had my attention.

So I bought his book The Monkey and The Fish and out of it God showed me Three Questions that I believe are some of the most important questions that a community of disciples can ask. These questions help me get back to the clearing. They help me remember what is important and what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.

I'll be sharing my own answers to the three questions in the future to help tell some more of my story, but I've found more and more that the answers are not nearly as important as the questions. My answers will change throughout life, but the questions will be lights the guide the way home.

Question #1: Where is Nazareth? As you seek to live out the life and ways of Jesus in your life, look for Nazareth, the place to which people will ask, "Can anything good come from there?" This was what Nathanael said when he learned that Jesus was from Nazareth. The point is that in Nazareth, you'll most likely find the poor and the needy, the broken and the helpless, the lost and forgotten. And if you want God to be in the midst of what you are doing, you'll find that often loves to use the foolish and broken things of this world, to build his kingdom upon.

Question #2: What is your pain? Its feels so natural as Americans to work out of our achievements, and to move forward in success. But it takes humility, and poverty of spirit to lead with your pain. The amazing thing is, people are rarely moved by our strengths and inspired by our greatness. They can often relate to use most honestly in our pain. Perhaps because that's where we are most honest. Our pain makes us human and breaks down the walls that divide between class, education, race and age. Pain is universal and is a tie that binds us together.

Question #3: What is in your hand? Meaning, what do you have at your disposal right now that God can use to accomplish his purposes. Instead of asking what else do you need, its asking "What has God already given you?" Its what you can use right now with my available resources, history and relationships. This not only keeps us from the dangerous game of comparison with other people, but it teaches us to value our own story. The unique narrative that God has placed only YOU in, because He has given us everything that we need for life and godliness in Christ.

Answering that question was in large part, what led me down the road that started this blog about being a father. Because what's in my hand these days is very dear to me, and I believe its something worth sharing. Thanks for checking in.