The Curse of Fatherlessness

Two years ago today I became a father.

Which is odd to say, because now having TWO children and being constantly inundated with Pixar movies, diapers, and scheduling life around nap-times; I think to myself, "Haven't I ALWAYS been a Dad?"

I didn't realize it at the time, but that day I joined an incredibly rich and diverse fraternity of men who have come before me. And as a member of this group, I've come to see that we're not just called to the task of fathering a child (which is often just a nice way of saying you got your sperm on), but to actually BE a father in the life of a child.

And while this has been an amazingly life-giving, faith-growing, heart-expanding, world-rocking experience for me, I've also come to realize that that isn't the story for every father.

In fact, I've learned that many fathers would rather not think of themselves as fathers at all. They see their children as more of a curse than a blessing; as mouths to feed, instead of hearts to develop and love; or pawns to move in a struggle for power with their mother. And more often than not in those cases, the father leaves.

But it turns out that they were right. There is a curse; but they were the ones who invoked its black magic.

In the last verses of the Old Testament, Malachi prophesies about the coming Day of the Lord and closes the Testament with these words:

Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming

of the great and dreadful day of the LORD

and he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children

and the heart of the children to their fathers,

lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

And when you look at the landscape of American culture and the results of fatherlessness, its easy to see that the very act of a father leaving his children, is in fact a curse upon the earth:

Youth suicide (63%)
Teen pregnancy (71%)
Homeless/Runaway children (90%)
Children with behavioral disorders (85%)
High School dropouts (71%)
Imprisoned youth (85%)

The percentages are the number of fatherless youth that make up each group. And I won't be the first or the last person to say that this group is responsible for most of the social problems that are plaguing our society.

But who's really responsible??

Their parents? The government? The church?

I've had to ask myself that question a lot recently. I'm a young dad. I'm just 28, and I'm still VERY MUCH figuring this whole thing out. I don't have anywhere close to all the answers.

But what I do know is that I have a choice as a father right now. As I raise my two little ones, I can choose to try and be a "good father" and focus only on MY children, with a view towards raising stylish and conservative girls and boys who will learn to spot troublesome kids and stay far away, lest they be sullied by the sin-juices.

OR I can be a father to my children, while being a father to the fatherless. And model how love ALWAYS wins over evil and pain and sin in the end (no theological statement implied, thanks for forever charging THAT term Rob).

Because what I'm learning is that to be a good father these days, we're not going to be able to stay in our holy hideouts and further entrench ourselves and our families in a Christian sub-culture. We're not going to be able to retreat to private schools and segregated worship services. To really, truly be GOOD, we're going to have to become more like our Heavenly Father...

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. Psalm 68:5

So this blog is ultimately about calling Fathers to return to the role that God gave them: A. As a man who will lead and disciple his children in the context of the home AND in their community, and B. To use their home and their experience as a father to reach into their neighborhood, community, city, and world to be a father to the fatherless and a champion for families of faith.

Hopefully we'll have many voices that will share will us. And hopefully we'll have many stories to tell of healing and life found in the lives of young men and women as they encounter the love and safety of their heavenly Father. For great insight on the pain of growing up without a father, check out Jeremy Cushman's recent post about extracting the poison of Fatherlessness.

I'll share plenty of my own thoughts and stories of parenting two crazy little world changers of my own, but ultimately this blog is about turning the hearts of fathers back to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers.

Will you answer the call?